Today, being a woman is a lot better than it was 100 years ago, 50 years ago, even 20 years ago. We earn more than we used to, we are allowed in more roles than ever before and we get paid more than we used to. Despite this, there’s still loads and loads of work to do. We still deserve more money, leading roles and more respect than we currently get — especially if you are black or brown.
When I mention respect, I mean respect from woman to woman as well, as it is not solely men who do the disrespecting. On my way home last week I briefly caught wind of a conversation between two women that bugged me so much I am here writing this post today. I’ll spare you the finite details of the scene and just get down to what was said. Woman X told Woman Y that:
If you were really a feminist, you wouldn’t see becoming a mother as a life goal because it is old fashioned.
I reaaaaally wanted to tell her to shut up.
Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think feminism has much to do with someone’s personal choice of wanting to become a mother. Or do you think it does? My hands are up in the air when it comes to feminism, I can wholeheartedly say I don’t fully understand it. Although, I agree with most parts of what I’ve seen i.e. the goal of empowering women. My problem is when other women are critiqued for the things they want in the name of ‘feminism’. I don’t think it’s fair to tell someone that wanting to be a mother is an old-fashioned dream. If it’s their dream let them have it!
Being a mother is not easy, I think now it is harder than it ever used to be because you still have the responsibilities of work, as many households do nowadays, but now you also carry the responsibility of being a mother — which, if I’m going to be real is not held to the same standard as being a father. I am not saying this is right but it is what currently occurs, just take a look at maternity leave against paternity leave. Believe it or not, paternity leave does exist Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian, took 16 weeks of paid paternity leave and is now campaigning for more men to be able to have the ability to do so. I understand the current norm is for the mother to take maternity leave and it’s no longer the norm for a woman’s goals to be completely centred around becoming a mother. But for some individuals, becoming a mother is the goal. There is nothing wrong with this or old fashioned about it, this is a natural thing to want. The title of ‘Mum’ is not an easy title to gain or carry, so wanting to become one is indeed wanting to be part of the privileged. And isn’t that normal?
Some people struggle to get pregnant more than others, conditions such as PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome), damaged Fallopian tubes, endometriosis and much more affect many women. Two years ago, Gabrielle union opened up about her own fertility issues in a Doctor Oz interview. She spoke earnestly about her miscarriages and the guilt women often feel surrounding infertility issues. The interview was refreshing to hear because it made me understand rather than pity her. I’m glad someone as prominent as Gabrielle Union spoke up because pregnancy is no small task, it is beautiful and fascinating but it is hard. In the UK 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriages (The Guardian 2010) and babies that are born can still die at birth or in their cot. Some women only have the option to use a surrogate which if they can’t afford, they can’t have. These are all real things that happen and can happen to anyone.
Which is why I strongly believe: If you want it to be, motherhood can be one of your goals and not a single person should be able to tell you any different.
-BWSP
